Bringing Her Peace
by brookemopolitan
Summary: "It would have been over," he agreed. "But would that have been a satisfying ending?" Post Recoil... features couch cuddling.


Inspired by post episode Twitter discussions with one Miss Liv Wilder.

As usual, thank you to Em my amazing beta. In your debt.

_He'll slip up eventually and when he does I'll be ready._

* * *

Kate fiddled with the remote, contemplating flicking back to the news. Her mind was spinning and she eventually turned the television off. Tugging the Union Jack pillow to her chest, she fought to find the right words. Chewing her lip, she turned to Castle. "Did I do the right thing?" She wondered. "It was all right there. I could have gotten rid of him for good and walked away without breaking a sweat."

Castle put down his wine glass, savouring Kate's words. Her eyes were piercing, her gaze penetrating as she curled into a ball. She was an intoxicating blend of vulnerability and strength, and she drew Castle in like a siren.

"Come here," he murmured, grabbing her arm and tugging her to sit with him, her legs flung over his lap, one of his arms around her shoulders.

"It would have been over," he agreed. "But would that have been a satisfying ending?"

Kate frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Think about the headlines. William Bracken, martyr to the cause. If that bomb had gone off, he would have died a hero. His legacy would have been untouchable. He would go down in history as the guy who got blown up for a power play and a piece of legislation. It doesn't matter what evidence you uncovered, he would be bulletproof because he'd have been made into a legend. A rare politician who is willing to stand up to special interest and fight for what's right even if it costs him." Castle repeated her words, his fingers tangled in Kate's hair, gently twisting her silky locks around his fingers. "You never would have gotten justice."

"My Mom would have been just another faceless victim to The Dragon," Kate sighed. "She deserves better than that." Kate rested her head against Castle's shoulder. "I want this to be over, Castle. I want it to all be done."

"It will be," Castle reassured her.

"I'm just so tired," Kate confessed. "I'm tired of this case hanging over my head and I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes I regret ever touching the case in the first place. It's hanging over my head like a perpetual nightmare and all I want is peace."

"I'm sorry," Castle sighed. "I opened this can of worms."

Kate jabbed him lightly in the ribs. "Not your fault," she told him firmly. "I joined the force with the ulterior motive of unravelling Mom's murder. I was an overwrought, addicted mess for years before I knew you. I thought I had gotten a handle on it," Kate's hand cupped Castle's cheek, forcing him to look at her. "I suppressed it. Pushed it down and forced myself not to think about it. But I didn't deal with it. Not really. I put a Band-Aid on my hurt, but I ignored the fact that my wounds were festering. _You_ tore the Band-Aid off and forced me confront my demons," Kate paused and brushed a kiss against his mouth. "Without you, I never would have gone back to therapy. I would have kept my head down and soldiered on alone. But you made me want to be more than I was before. You made me want to be more than the cop with a dead mother. Don't ever regret that you shook my life up. I'm grateful."

"What happens if he never slips up?" Castle blurted out.

Kate froze. It was a question she'd asked herself more than once. "I keep doing what I'm doing now. I find justice for victims. Give answers to families," her fingers gently began to trace across Castle's shoulders. "I keep loving you," she added shyly. "I don't give up my life waiting for the slip to happen. I'm ready to seize the moment if and when it comes, but I'm not going to be the sentinel of his doom."

"You are extraordinary," Castle sighed. "I am so proud of you Kate."

"What is there to be proud of? The part where I suppressed evidence or the part where I deliberately missed a shot so that suspect could evade arrest?" Kate muttered, ducking her head and running a hand through her hair.

"Don't," Castle whispered, linking his hands with hers. "Don't put yourself down around me Kate." He knew better than to force her to look at him, but he continued none the less. "I'm proud that you let me stand beside you and support you. I'm proud that you confided your fears in me." Ugly memories of Raglan, of dragging Kate from a hangar on the orders of Montgomery, of walking away before he could watch the woman he loved destroy herself flashed through his mind. "Kate," he said seriously. "I am so incredibly proud that you kept your head above water. You saw the warning signs this time. You were determined to find justice, not vengeance. It has been a privilege to see how truly formidable you have become, just to be able to look your mother's murderer in the eye and maintain your composure. You did all of that and you're still standing," Castle paused and squeezed her fingers. "And that is why you're extraordinary."

Kate sniffled, releasing one of his hands to brush the few tears that had escaped down her cheeks. "You always see the best version of me," she muttered.

"I see the only version of you," Castle argued.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Kate asked. "I'm not sure that I want to be alone," she admitted, scooting closer to him so that she could curl into his embrace, her head resting underneath his chin.

"I will stay here as long as you want me to," Castle answered her honestly.

He felt Kate's nod. "Can we stay like this?" she asked, burrowing against him, her eyes slipping closed as his fingers traced over the loose knit of her sweater. He could feel the tension draining from her body, her limbs becoming loose and heavy with weariness. "You bring me peace, Castle. Always."

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